The perfectionism trap: How to keep the positives and ditch the negatives

As I write, it is Mental Health Awareness week in the UK which prompted this topic. Over the years I and many I know have benefitted and suffered from a ‘Be Perfect’ Behavioural Driver (Kahler,1975)  This leads to a desire to execute everything we do to a flawless standard.

Perfectionism – the pros and cons

Striving for perfection has some ‘plus sides’:

• we perpetually seek high standards and look for continuous improvement
• high motivation as we strive for ever better results
• conscientiousness
• attention to detail, in a bid to never ‘fall short’

The downside, of course, is that we chase the impossible.  There is no such thing as perfection, perfection is subjective!  The cons include:

• over preparation, or not getting started at all, to avoid failure
• being overly self-critical
• subjective evaluation of own performance, with positives disregarded
• deep focus on flaws, however minor
• as a manager, it can lead to impossibly high standards, inflexibility around results expected, a reluctance to delegate/ trust others.

Ditch the downsides

Ultimately, perfectionism can have a negative impact on the mental health of us and others, causing stress, inordinate pressure, and a lack of contentment.  If we are to achieve balance, retaining the positives of ‘perfectionism’ and ditching the cons, we need to shift our thinking.

Stephen R. Covey talks about how to do this in his book ‘The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People’.  He calls this a ‘paradigm shift’ and uses a ‘See > Do > Get’ model to achieve it.  Here’s an example of an initial paradigm, or way of seeing things, and how to shift it:

SEE – How the person sees the situation/ their paradigm

“If their performance is not perfect throughout the meeting, any mistakes will ruin the whole thing and impact their credibility”

(Nb. ‘all or nothing’ thinking)

PARADIGM SHIFT – A change in the way they SEE it

“There is no such thing as perfect, and others respond better to authentic human beings to whom they can relate”

DO – How they behave as a result

If they make a mistake – however minor:

– beat themselves up for ages afterwards, focusing only on flaws

– whilst reviewing the meeting with others, draw attention to their error rather than all that went well (nb. self- fulfilling prophecy re credibility)

– ignore positives or praise.

NEW ‘DO’ – as a result of paradigm shift

They are likely to:

-prepare adequately rather than excessively

-own any mistakes in the moment, recognising that this enables others to be vulnerable/ not fear speaking up

– evaluate performance objectively, recognising strengths to build upon

GET – Outcome as a result of behaviour

-waste time on over-analysis of what happened, or on over-preparing for future meetings

-bore others or leave a lasting impression of errors, rather than owning and acknowledging the good bits

-make themselves nervous and leave others thinking that it’s not okay to make mistakes

NEW ‘GET’ – As a result of changed behaviour

With this changed behaviour, they are likely to gain:

-back time and have less sleepless nights

-others’ respect and their willingness to be open/ honest

-greater confidence and self-belief as they recognise what they did well and willingly accept, rather than discount, praise 

Top tips for keeping the plus sides

If you have a Be Perfect Behavioural Driver:

• use the SEE > DO > GET model to shift your paradigm or way of seeing things
• set yourself realistic standards of performance and accuracy
• become realistic about making mistakes – imagine the best/ worst possible outcomes of making a mistake
• identify which tasks really warrant a high degree of accuracy
• make a point of telling others their mistakes are not serious, which can help shift your own paradigm
• work out in advance how much detail others need, share the key info and stop there, to avoid burying them in facts and figures

If you are working with someone who has a Be Perfect Behavioural Driver:

• praise them for their achievements
• be punctual and keep appointments
• don’t discount their worries!

If perfectionism is affecting your work output, we can help you find balance and enhance your productivity. Contact Alison Craig Coaching today to start achieving your goals with confidence and efficiency.

• alisoncraigcoaching.co.uk

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